My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
