We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
