Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
