i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
