Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
