i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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