Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
porn star boner night. come get it.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
