....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
