I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
