you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
