ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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