I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
