her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
