How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
