Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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