11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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