What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
