I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
