my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
