last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
