Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
