Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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