um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you traded sex for a burrito?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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