How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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