for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
