Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
