First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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