found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
