i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
