The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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