if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
