who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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