I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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