omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
