You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
