So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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