I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
It's never too late to be topless.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
