I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
