So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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