Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
