i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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