I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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