and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
