Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
