Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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