Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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