So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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