her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Never joke about your clitoris.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
