Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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