mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
